Meant to Be?
As a part of the 31 for 21 Challenge, the common topic this Thursday is "Faith and Down Syndrome". I've been tossing this topic around all week, and I really haven't been sure what I want to say. Faith is a tough topic. Everyone has their own beliefs, and for some, these beliefs are very powerful. I've been hesitant to share my somewhat wishy-washy perspective of how Down Syndrome and religion are connected for the fear of offending those who might believe differently. But I keep coming back to the notion that this month's 31 for 21 challenge is with the intention of sharing a vast variety of beliefs and perspectives about Down Syndrome, and celebrating the differences that exist in the way that we all accept, deal with, and live with Down Syndrome every day. So, with that in mind, I have decided to go ahead and throw my ideas into the mix, not as they relate to our particular religion, but about religious comments in general that we have heard along the way.
When Ty was born, I often heard, "God chose you to be Ty's parents," or, "he was meant to be your child". At the time, it was comforting to think that we were somehow "chosen" out of the 6 billion others on this planet to raise this child, because something about Eric and I made us stand apart as being more capable of holding this huge responsibility.
But honestly, I'm not buying it anymore. First of all, Eric and I were not 100% prepared to be parents. The prospect of bathing a squirming, slimy baby without dropping it was terrifying, and it took me a good hour to figure out how the hell to turn on a breast pump. Ty was rushed to the doctor for his first green booger, and I shelled out $20 to hear that it was "just a booger". Don't even get me started with the exploding newborn diaper phenomenon. Out of every possible couple on Earth who could have been "chosen", I'm pretty convinced that we would not have been in the top 3, if that were true.
What I'm saying, is that it doesn't take "super-parents" to raise a child with Down Syndrome, and I don't think that "only the best" are chosen to raise children with special needs. Sure, it's something you rise up to face, but I don't think that there is a certain type of person who is cut out for the job over others. When we suspected that Ty had some sort of chromosomal abnormality, it was a very daunting prospect. We didn't think we would have the time, energy, or patience to raise a child with special needs. And while aspects of our parenting journey have been a little more challenging, I've come to realize that all parents face difficulties while raising their children. Our challenges were just presented up front, in the form of an extra chromosome. As with anything, you learn to adapt, accept, and move on with life. It's that simple.
I do, however, believe that Ty was meant to be our child. But that's not because he has Down Syndrome. I believe that Ty was meant to be our child, just as I believe that our future children are meant to be in our lives as well. He has his Daddy's love of sports, and his Mommy's love of reading. Stubborn, laid-back, and silly are all inherited traits of his that prove how perfectly he fits into our lives. A child who survives all odds and defies all expectations just to be a part of your life, is one who is meant to be in it...no doubt about it.
When it comes down to it, I don't think there's anything "special" about how we came to be Ty's parents, or why we became part of this club we never knew we wanted to join. It's just the way things worked out...when little one-celled Ty divided into two, he just did it with a little extra style. It's a constant reminder that life throws you surprises around every corner, and you never know when one is coming your way.
Although it isn't *as heavy* as some of the other posts, it's still beautifully written and expresses another side of how Down syndrome can affect your faith.
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